Do you know one of the best things about ‘growing up’ and getting older? You get to choose what you want to do. Whether it’s going to bed at 8 pm or 1 am, eating ice cream for dinner, or following a strict calorie counting regime – you get to choose.
You know what you think you CAN’T do? Change the beliefs, norms, behaviours and attitudes you’ve learned and had instilled in you since you were a child. Here’s the kicker folks, actually, you CAN. Sure, it takes practice, but is it impossible? No, not if you have the true desire to put the effort in and undo all the unhealthy thoughts and behaviours you learned as you grew up. I’m talking about how you began to talk to yourself – how you’re not smart enough, good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, *you’re just not enough*.
I began my working life in a fairly standard hierarchical job. You start at the bottom, work hard and well, and you could very well find yourself on the up and up. Even better if you have a degree! I thought my career path was pretty straightforward. Start in reception, move into accounts payable, move into assistant accounting, onto management accounting, progress to finance manager, and so on. I got to accounts payable, and I thought, ‘Really, is this it?’
For me though, I wasn’t sure this was it. I started talking to myself – you’re not smart enough (you don’t have a degree), you’re not clever, you’re not mentally strong enough to handle the pressure, you’re too old to start your accounting career (I was 26), *you’re just not enough.*
After job-hopping and starting multiple small businesses—ranging from virtual business administration to ironing and graphic design—there was a period of trying everything, from volunteering at the school to helping out at the kids’ sports clubs. Eventually, settling on being a virtual assistant in administration felt like the right choice, but it was also a decision influenced by self-doubt. Throughout this investigative phase, a constant inner dialogue kept saying, “You’re not smart enough, you can’t run a business, you’re not qualified in any of these areas, you’re not quick enough, you’re not capable enough—you’re just not enough.”
Suddenly, my life was uprooted to the other side of the country. My little family and I slowly adjusting to life in Melbourne. I worked from home, and it was lonely. How do you meet new people when you work from home? How do you interact and make friends? Quite simply, you don’t.
I got a job with a small organisation that needed someone to help them with simple EA-style tasks. Why not another VA job? I began working a few hours a week for them and found out they were only a few minutes down the road!
As I continued working as a VA, I grew more connected to the organisation and its people. Within months, I transitioned to part-time employment, quickly advancing to full-time work. My rapid growth coincided with the organisation’s own expansion, leading to a promotion and new responsibilities in different areas of the business.
Then the voices started – you’re not smart enough, you’re not clever, your words and opinions are not impressive, *you’re just not good enough.*
Only this time…*this* time, I was working with an organisational management and leadership consulting business, and part of their bread and butter is helping people understand themselves and why we react and behave the way we do. Their purpose is elevating the practice of leadership for a sustainable future. They want to help people learn how to lead effectively. So, naturally, they can’t help but coach their staff in every conversation, and I am a sponge, so I take in all that goodness, I learn all the tools to help me succeed, I contemplate life, I ponder each new question my coaching colleagues ask me, and in turn, I start telling myself – you are clever, you are smart, you know what you’re doing, you deserve this and most importantly, *you are enough*.
The feeling of not being enough often surfaced, but it’s become clear that this stemmed from a lack of passion and purpose in the tasks at hand. Without a clear purpose or a defined “why,” I was doing tasks simply for the sake of doing them—to get paid or because it was expected. Suddenly, I’m working for an organisation that fuels a purpose within me.
Every time I see a group of people in a workshop simultaneously have a light bulb moment about themselves, for themselves, it makes my heart flutter. Every time someone says “I can see why this is so important now,” “I now have the courage to say the things I wouldn’t before working with Dattner Group,” or to see an organisation’s executive leadership team put the time and effort into their staff over several years and have individuals say ‘I really feel my place of work has improved significantly because of the work we do with Dattner Group’ – it makes every single moment at my job behind the scenes, worth it.
It makes a big difference when you’ve finally found a place that suits you, that fits with you, and you fit with it. Keep in mind that you didn’t just automatically fit with the business; you worked on yourself and your inner child, you worked on those beliefs and norms, and you undid the damage. Only then can you feel passionate, inspired, and so motivated by your purpose that you want to shout it from the rooftops. Most of all, you stop hearing yourself saying, ‘You’re not enough.’
